49 : confessed his feelings

 Chen Zhoumu stared at the message, his mind suddenly going blank. He stopped thinking about who had sent it, just staring at the last message, at those last three words, as if trying to pierce through them.

Homosexual? Who? So Song Shi likes men?

The huge news left Chen Zhoumu's mind blank. Before he even started to verify Song Shi's feelings, someone had actually told him the result.

He didn't know how he felt—nervous, panicked, excited, and a little bit secretly pleased.

Thankfully, thankfully the other person wouldn't be disgusted even if they knew his feelings. Chen Zhoumu suddenly felt that this stranger was like an angel who brought him such good news.

The sun completely disappeared below the horizon, and night silently descended outside the window. Without the sun's rays, the heat of Guangzhou began to drop.

Early November in Guangzhou wasn't very cold, but the evening breeze carried a hint of winter. A leaf twirled in the air before landing precisely in a sanitation worker's trash can.

What to do, what to do, what to do? Chen Zhoumu struggled with whether to tell the other person. Song Shi had previously said he liked girls; if he exposed him like this, the other person would be too embarrassed to admit it.

But ever since he learned this news, Chen Zhoumu's heart had been pounding. He then realized it was too hasty to draw conclusions.

He couldn't just jump to conclusions based on a single photo and what the other person had said, so he started contacting the unknown number.

"How do you know Song Shi is gay?"

The other person didn't reply but sent several photos. The other person in each photo was blurred, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was also male.

Photos of them holding hands, hugging, and even what looked like kissing came flooding in.

Then the person sent another message: "If you don't believe me, Guangzhou No. 1 Primary School has the answer you're looking for." Chen

Zhoumu looked at the message. He didn't want to verify the truth of the matter, because if Song Shi really liked boys, then he finally had a chance.

His fingers trembled slightly as he opened Song Shi's contact information, revising and editing what he wanted to send, but ultimately didn't send it.

He wanted to see him in person, face-to-face, in a physical meeting.

He and Song Shi had known each other for so long, and he could sense that Song Shi felt differently about him. If Song Shi had liked boys from the beginning, when did Song Shi start to treat him differently?

Chen Zhoumu had forgotten, because when he fell for Song Shi, he thought every day about how to make Song Shi like him back. But none of that mattered now; he wanted to ask Song Shi.

What were Song Shi's feelings for him?

Chen Zhoumu scratched his head. What should he do if Song Shi liked him too? If Song Shi wanted to date him, he seemed to have no reason to refuse.

If Song Shi wanted to kiss him…

Chen Zhoumu recalled the night Song Shi came to Beijing to find him. Song Shi was sleeping soundly, completely unguarded, his lips slightly parted, a heat rising to his ears. He wanted to give him a good experience.

He took out his phone and opened a search engine.

[How should boys kiss?]

[How to give your partner the best first experience?]

[How to kiss for the first time? How to leave a lasting impression?]

Meanwhile, in the dormitory, Song Shi also received a message from the same unknown number, a screenshot.

Sitting on his bed, he knew without a doubt it was Zhang Su.

He reached out and tapped the screenshot. The familiar number was none other than Chen Zhoumu's. His fingers stiffened slightly as he slowly looked at the chat history in the screenshot.

He knew, Chen Zhoumu knew. Knowing Chen Zhoumu's personality, if he really wanted to investigate, he could definitely find out. Besides, he was indeed dating Tan Xiuyuan at that time, even if it was a pretense.

Song Shi buried himself under the covers, feeling somewhat discouraged. His secret, which he'd kept hidden for so long, had been exposed, and Chen Zhoumu knew about it. How was Chen Zhoumu feeling now?

Was he starting to dislike him?

Song Shi scratched his head in frustration. It seemed he'd have to move out. The competition class didn't have mandatory accommodation; it was mainly for students who lived far away.

At least he wouldn't see him, and he wouldn't have to endure Chen Zhoumu's disdainful look. Thankfully, they hadn't spent much time together.

He took out his phone and tapped on Chen Zhoumu's profile picture, only to see "typing..." Song Shi stared at it for a long time, but Chen Zhoumu hadn't sent the message.

Yes, who could remain calm and pretend nothing had happened in this situation? If Song Shi suddenly found out his best friend was in this state, he wouldn't know how to react.

Luckily, he was familiar with Yangcheng, and finding a place to rent outside the affiliated high school wasn't too difficult; moving his things would be a bit of a hassle.

Xia Cheng was among the first group of students to arrive in Guangzhou, so they would wait here for the other students. There were no other arrangements for the next few days, giving them ample time to adjust to Guangzhou.

Song Shi rolled over, staring blankly at the ceiling, his hand resting casually beside him, unconsciously rubbing together. He wanted a cigarette. He sighed softly, then got out of bed, grabbed his coat, and went outside.

The convenience store downstairs had limited stock, so he headed towards the school gate. He wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes, but didn't, instead buying a few bottles of alcohol.

He wasn't a heavy drinker, but he figured he'd forget about these things if he got drunk.

Back in his dorm, Song Shi casually placed his things on the table and tossed his phone aside.

He took the bottles and jars out of the plastic bag, snapped open the can, and tasted a lot of bubbles mixed with a bitter flavor.

The wine wasn't very good, but Song Shi drank it all up. The intoxication slowly crept into his head, his heart raced, and his ears flushed red. He slumped onto the table, staring blankly ahead.

He didn't know how much time had passed when, in a daze, he heard a knock at the door. He slowly turned his eyes to look to the side, but the knocking didn't stop.

Song Shi then groggily stood up and staggered to open the door. The person outside was none other than Chen Zhoumu.

The person holding the doorknob tried to slam the door shut, but there was resistance from the outside; the other person held the door firmly.

After trying to close it a few times without success, the person moved away from the doorknob and staggered inside. Chen Zhoumu opened and closed the door, then went inside and pulled Song Shi back.

Song Shi's mind was blank; the alcohol had numbed his senses. So, he yielded to the other person's strength and turned to look at him.

"Have you been drinking?" Chen Zhoumu looked at the mess of cans on the table, then turned to look at the other person. "Are you drunk?"

The person in front of him didn't speak, only swayed their head slightly.

Chen Zhoumu felt the other person was even more adorable. This side of Song Shi was rare, a limited edition, so he wanted to tease them a little longer.

"Not drunk?" Chen Zhoumu looked at the person with a somewhat dazed expression, then held up his fingers to indicate, "Then how many is this?"

This time, Song Shi still didn't speak, didn't even move, just stared at him blankly.

After a while, Chen Zhoumu thought the other person wouldn't make any more moves, but suddenly the other person moved. He just watched as Song Shi reached out and grasped his hand, the familiar warmth washing over him, and he froze, not daring to react.

Then he felt the other person's hand rubbing against his palm, this time the other person circling and tapping his hand, a ticklish sensation rising up, Chen Zhoumu didn't dare to move.

Then he felt the other person forcefully squeeze between his fingers, and then their fingers intertwined.

Before Chen Zhoumu could do anything, he caught a weight on his shoulder, the person in front of him seemed unable to support themselves and fell onto his shoulder.

He caught the other person steadily, then tightened his grip on the loosely held hand, inch by inch, until there was no air left.

He lifted the drunk man by the waist and placed him on the bed. Before he had even settled him properly, he heard the man mutter something.

Chen Zhoumu chuckled softly, then reached out his other hand to tidy the man's slightly disheveled hair. He couldn't help but ask this drunkard,

"I want to ask you some questions."

The man, who had been keeping his eyes closed, slowly opened them, as if gesturing for him to continue.

The two were very close, close enough for Chen Zhoumu to smell the alcohol on the man's breath.

"Do you like me? Not just the liking between friends, but the liking between lovers."

"Do you?"

The man blinked at him, as if he didn't understand what he was saying. Chen Zhoumu looked into the man's eyes, but didn't have the courage to ask a second time.

The two stared at each other for a long time without speaking. Chen Zhoumu didn't receive an answer either. He was about to get up and tidy up the other man's room when...

Then he heard Song Shi open his mouth: "I like..."

"I like... cats..."

The person who was about to get up heard the answer he wanted to hear, but he only heard the first part. He didn't hear the rest, or rather, he only wanted to hear the first part.

His cheeks began to flush. "Then... then do you want to date me? Since you like me, I'll say yes."

Song Shi looked at the person in front of him, his mouth opening and closing, not knowing what he was saying, so

he could only nod. Chen Zhoumu looked at the nodding person and suddenly felt a little unbelievable. Were they together?

He smelled the smell of alcohol in the room. Song Shi was the one drinking, but it seemed like he was the one who was drunk.

In the morning, Song Shi was awakened by a dry mouth. He squinted and drank some water. The cold water soothed his dry throat.

Then he stared blankly at the ceiling, and turned on his phone on the bedside table again. There were no messages.

He sat up, having forgotten how he even got into bed. He rubbed his aching head.

Then he rolled out of bed to wash up. Looking at his still-sleepy reflection in the mirror, he started brushing his teeth, but

the toothbrush in his right hand slammed into the sink, some foam getting onto his chin.

He thought he'd seen Chen Zhoumu last night. Fragments of memory slowly surfaced in his mind, and he abruptly pulled out of the bathroom.

Yes, the things on the table had been tidied up and the trash thrown away. If it were him, this wouldn't be possible.

But he couldn't remember anything after the blackout. What did the other person want? What did he say? Song Shi had no recollection.

But he clearly saw the other person's face.

What they did, what they said, Song Shi had no memory of either.

He picked up the toothbrush again, rinsed it casually with water, and mechanically finished brushing his teeth. His stomach, which hadn't eaten in a long time, began to protest.

Song Shi casually threw on a light jacket and went out. The moment he opened the door, he saw the person standing outside—none other than Chen Zhoumu.

Hearing the door open, the other person immediately stood up, smiling at him. This

was somewhat sudden for Song Shi; he hadn't yet figured out how to face him.

So he glanced at him expressionlessly, making no other move. Chen Zhoumu didn't notice anything amiss; he was still immersed in the joy of them being together.

He reached out to take Song Shi's hand, and Song Shi visibly froze: "What are you doing?"

Chen Zhoumu looked at Song Shi's expressionless face, assuming he was shy, and withdrew his hand. It was alright; they had plenty of time.

Song Shi couldn't understand what the other person wanted. How could he be so calm and collected even after knowing about his past?

What was he thinking? He suddenly wanted to ask him.

"What do you usually like to eat for breakfast in Guangzhou?" the person behind him began to ask.

Song Shi didn't answer, then suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder: "Song Shi, don't be so cold to me."

Even if it was shyness, or some other reason, don't be so indifferent to me. I can't accept it. Chen Zhoumu just stared at him.

"Dim sum."

"Then let's go eat this." Not just this, I'll try anything you like, whether it's good or not.

The two ordered some things at a nearby dim sum restaurant. Morning tea in Guangzhou is generally light, with no heavy oil or spicy dishes.

Song Shi's phone, which was lying to the side, vibrated with a message.

[Hey classmate, we have a vacant room here, you can view it.]

It's good that he'd forgotten about this, or that he'd moved out, although he didn't know what Chen Zhoumu was thinking now.

But it was better to leave sooner rather than later; he was afraid that if things turned sour, he'd have somewhere to hide.

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